I’m not really one to get really sappy on this blog, but can I just tell you how lately I’ve been really loving being a mother. I can’t say that I’ve always love loved it. I think I’ve had my ups and downs with it, and have mostly averaged around liking it.
Having just Andrew was a new experience, and I struggled with a lot of things new mothers go through: being lonely during the day, learning to live with interrupted sleep, figuring out how to be productive when no one puts a deadline on anything you do. At the same time, I could still do a lot of adult things like grocery or clothes shopping, browsing any section of the library that is not the kids section, and working around the house without a “helper.”
With only 18 months between Andrew and the girls, suddenly I had three that were all practically babies and I hadn’t yet experienced little kids. There are a lot of positive things about an 18 month spacing between kids though, so overall it worked out really well. I had a little bit of a stressful time, when the girls were about a year, and I wasn’t really liking motherhood. It had a lot to do with having been cooped up inside all that winter, and I just felt tired of fulfilling demands all the time. Then the weather changed and I rediscovered how cute and sweet they all were. I loved taking them to a park and watching them all play while I relaxed in the shade. I learned to enjoy doing kid things with them, rather than trying to force them to do mom things.
About that time Scott and I started talking about having another baby. We had to time it so we wouldn’t have the baby during the months of May through August of last year, since we would be away from home. I kinda wanted to try for having a baby for before May, but in the end we decided to wait and time it for after August. All that year, I was enjoying being with the kids, taking them places and later teaching them a bit more formally.
Finally, we had Miles, and his birth was exactly how I wanted it, and I felt like I’d been wanting a new baby for so long. I’m enjoying him so much, and I’ve been trying to soak up the goodness of every little stage he goes through. Andrew, Zana and Elira love him so much too. They are always giving him hugs, asking to hold him, and helping calm him if he’s upset. We love Miles and he’s our little buddy.
I feel like having four kids has put us in a new category. I’ve mentioned to some people that before we seemed almost like the average American family that tries to have only two kids, but then we accidentally had twins and ended up with three. Since we made a conscious decision to have four, I feel like it puts us in a different category. Plus they are all pretty little. In most families I know with four or more kids, the oldest is at least 7, while Andrew is still only 4.
Even with four little kids, we love to get out and do fun activities. We love to go to the library, to the park, and even on a few errands. Miles is our little tag-along guy, while the “big” kids run around trying everything. I love being with them, I love teaching them, and planning our day around what they are doing. They make Scott and me laugh all the time, and they can be so sweet and loving.
Ever since we started having kids, I’ve known that it was a choice we made for me not to work, but I’ve always felt a little defensive about it. Like I have to explain why I’m not taking advantage of my education or something, and I’ve always kinda missed that I’m not a career woman, and I was always wanting to do something related to engineering on the side. Now, just recently, I realized that I really do have the best job in the world. It’s so much fun, so challenging, so entertaining, and I get to work with people I love so much. It’s all I really want to do.