Help! Another transition.

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Poor Andrew. He always bears the brunt of my worst parenting moments. With him being the oldest, I’m always just figuring things out. Transitioning to a new stage is the worst for me, it always makes me so frustrated. Then, with the girls, each new stage seems easier than it was with Andrew.

So, this new stage has got me stumped. What do you do when your child wants to be independent, but is always overstepping the boundary? I can’t trust Andrew to be out of my sight for more than a few minutes.

Let me give you a few examples: going past the limits of where they can go in the front yard when I’m not there, sneaking a bag of candy and hiding and eating it, playing with water in the bathroom, stealing my piece of candy off the counter (after I had let them eat like five pieces each). And I have to repeat simple requests at least three times and resort to a harsher voice for something as simple as please come to the table for dinner.

Am I being overly demanding here? Maybe these are petty issues, but having to correct them all the time and basically threated them with punishment for every. little. thing. makes me feel like I am mad at them all day. I want to let them play outside or even upstairs by themselves, since they play together well, but every time I do, something gets eaten or broken or overly messy or overly dangerous.

Yesterday we had a great day, but I worked hard to keep them doing structured activities, and therefore dedicated all my time to keeping them in my sight and happy. I didn’t get anything else done. I need some time for other things…and I’m not even talking about some time for myself. I need some time for things the whole family needs like time to make dinner, or time to plan a grocery list, or time to set a doctor appointment.

I’ll stop the rambling now, but I really would appreciate any input. Especially from anyone who has been there, done that.

3 Responses to “Help! Another transition.”

  1. Sara newton

    How about is there, doing that? I feel like we have the same issues with Grace at the moment. Although she isn’t always destructive per se, but there is an awful lot of dumping and telling her things a million times before it sinks in. Do you think it’s an age thing? I feel like Grace is trying to push the envelope of her capabilities and what I let her do. Some days I’d much rather let the chaos happen and wait until she’s done for the clean up. I have decided (and have yet to see it work, but I hope it will), that there are certain things that are allowed and others just aren’t unless she asks permission first. I’ve started taking favorite toys away when I have to tell her too many times not to do something, etc. It works some days and other days it doesn’t… Don’t you love the first child experiment??

  2. Crystal

    No real advice here, just a shout out of support and understanding. I’ve been here and now I’m here again. It’s been one of the more difficult parts of my motherhood for me, when the children move away from me and into a stage of willful disobedience. Even Gigi who is the sweetest child I’ve ever seen has moved into this place. It is totally normal for your child and it’s totally normal for you as a parent to find it so difficult…at least that’s what I tell myself everyday 🙂 Here’s just some of the stuff I do. I can’t say it works all the time but you know sometimes it’s just nice to know where are others are at. When the children lie to me I call them immediately on the lie. I try not to be angry about it, but instead just say. I know you are telling me something that is not true. Because of that we won’t be able to do….and I can’t trust you when you don’t tell me the truth. And then that is it. And I do this every time. With dinner, I’ve started having the kids sit at the counter with me and give them things to do while I’m cooking. Here wash this, cut this with a butter knife, stir this. It takes longer to get anything done but it keeps them busy and they are more likely to eat. I also take advantage of the safe places. Our backyard is kid safe so sometimes I give them a Popsicle and send them out or if I really need to get something done I’ve been known to put a short movie on or put them on PBS kids together ….I know ridiculous right 🙁 I never thought I’d be that mom but sometimes you just need a moment. It’s hard to let guilt go as a mom but it makes you a better mom if you can.